


The five stages of grief.

by skyblue993



Series: Jonnor oneshots [44]
Category: The Fosters (TV 2013)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Established Relationship, Humor, It's really not what you think this is, Jonnor - Freeform, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-02
Updated: 2017-03-02
Packaged: 2018-09-27 21:27:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,638
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10051172
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/skyblue993/pseuds/skyblue993
Summary: Jude experiences them all.





	

 

*

Connor realizes, from the moment Jude barges into the apartment, there's a long road to recovery ahead of him.

“Hey, Jude.”

Jude smiles at him as nothing ever happened, which doesn't really surprise Connor in the slightest, everyone knows the first stage towards acceptance is  _denial._

“Hey, Connor.”

“Where have you been?”

Connor tries to keep his voice calm and steady, doing a shitty job at hiding the concern flooding through his whole body, at the moment. Jude just shrugs his shoulders, taking off his jacket as he reveals with a very casual tone, “I went to the laundry.”

Connor raises an eyebrow in confusion, unable to keep the question to himself. To be fair he tries to bite words back but eventually, the questions miserably pop out. “Dressed like that?”

Jude freezes on the threshold of the door, glancing at him from over his shoulder, “What's wrong with my clothes?”

Connor's frown deepens across his face, his eyebrow coming together in a thin line as his mouth falls a bit open in surprise. As per usual, he does a pretty horrible job at hiding what he's thinking. 

"Jude..” Connor doesn't know how to say it without hurting his feelings or keeping the judgy pitch in his voice at bay as he remarks, “You're wearing your working clothes...”

“So what? Is that such a big of a crime for me to wear my working clothes to simply go to the laundry, officer?”

“Huh, No,” Connor says, gulping a bit at the way Jude's voice fires up. He should have seen that coming before giving voice to the question. God. Why can't he just shut up,  _for once? Fix it._ His brain screams at him. He swallows down saliva before stuttering, “I.. I just wondering why you'd dress in such formal attire to go to the laundry... that's all.”

Jude's eyebrow arches up even higher if that's even possible, visibly disgruntled by Connor's assertion.

“I just thought, why shouldn't I since I have to go to work?” He explains with an apparent calm that leaves no doubts in Connor's minds that he's just made a big, fat mess as soon as Jude, clearly upset, storms out of the kitchen, leaving Connor completely dumbfounded against the counter he's currently leaning. He hears a door being slammed shut and decides he's made the right decision to its own survival when he's omitted to remark that Jude's been fired, yesterday.

  

**

Days go by and much to Connor's relief, Jude starts to accept that he has nowhere to go in the morning anymore, that it's not appropriate to wear a suit to go to the laundry or  _grocery shopping_ , and the barely significant detail that he'll have to renounce to monthly paychecks.

The weekend comes and goes in a blur of awesome sex, cuddling morning sessions and candlelight romantic dinner on Sunday night. It's all peaceful and perfect until Connor is being woken up by a noise that reminds him of a cat being choked to death; turns out it's Jude.

The moment he switches the lights on, he comes face to face with the source of that noise. His arms immediately encircle Jude's waist, pulling his quivering frame into his arms and making soft, shushing noises in his ear.

“Baby it's okay..” He tells him, _But it's not enough apparently_ because Jude storms out of bed, murmuring under his breath unintelligible things about how life's unfair and then venting about dirty dishes from the previous night being left in the sink. Connor gives a loud sigh before deciding to trail after his boyfriend into the kitchen. He finds him sitting on the counter stool, his eyes blankly staring at the ugly painting his father gave them at Christmas, hanging on the wall. Connor has always hated that painting. It's an abstract representation of a horse head. Who needs a horse head in its house?! He glances up at the clock and he finds suppressing a sigh escaping his lips, wondering what the hell is wrong with Jude.

"You're judging."

Connor's eyes snap back to Jude's direction, now staring pointedly at him. His expression flat and severe as he repeats, "You are judging me, Connor. I can sense you wondering what the hell is wrong with me."

How has he guessed? Connor thinks as he clears his throat, clearing those thoughts off his mind in favor of shamelessly lying to his boyfriend's face in his soft, cooing voice. "I'd never judge you."

Jude makes a noise between a snort and a muffled laugh from his throat, his eyes falling shut for a brief moment, then he looks up and asks Connor, eyebrow raised in amusement. "I've known you since you started wearing diapers. Do you seriously think I can't tell when you're lying to me?"

Connor's eyebrows line up in a deep frown, a groan of frustration coming from his throat. Okay. Okay, he lied but honestly.. what is he supposed to do? Watch Jude self-destructing and encourage him in the process by remarking who strange he's been acting? He's been woken up by Jude's cat _strangled-ish_ noises for fuck sake and Jude refuses to acknowledge that he's currently lashing everything, his hurt, his frustration, his disappoint to Connor and that's not fair.

"Why the hell are you so pissed off?"

"I'm not pissed off!" Jude cries out, sharply and yes, he's telling the truth because Jude's not pissed off. He's outright enraged for whatever reasons, this time.

"You are yelling at four in the morning." Connor points out with a small, nervous laugh escaping his lips which make Jude's eyes narrow in a glare.

"No one asked you to get out of bed and follow me in the kitchen. You're basically asking for it." Jude huffs, his eyes rolling and it actually amuses Connor, how unbelievable his boyfriend can be sometimes.

"I wanted to check if you were okay!"

"I am okay!"

"Why the hell did you wake up this early?!"

"Why shouldn't I?"

"Why should you?"

Jude actually laughs at that question, mouthing a silent _'oh my God'_ to the ceiling, "Oh yeah, because now I have no workplace to go to so I guess it makes sense for me to get lazy all day and sleep in until four pm." Jude retorts sarcastically.

"Well yeah! Maybe you could use some sleep! Chill a bit!"

"Don't tell me what to do! I'll gonna chill when I decide to chill!"

Connor's eyes roll to the back of his head as he groans, a small neurotic laugh escaping his lips, "Oh my God, Jude. Just Shut up and come to bed!"

 

 

***

Once Jude's blown out the pent up _anger_ flooding through his system, he's halfway through the road that will finally lead him to acceptance. It's how things are. Connor's come to the realization that it's a process, a journey if you like. He has to be respectful and help his boyfriend as much as he can all the way through.

Jude's working hard on getting better day after day and he's reached a twisting point in which anger is gone and the only thing left is a small void in his life that needs to be filled, at any costs.

Days are long and boring; every single day is the same as the previous one to Jude. There was a time when he craved, needed, cried for weekends to come. Now, it leaves him completely unaffected; It's like living the weekend throughout the whole week which it might sound awesome but it really isn't because it leaves Jude like he's stuck in a time loop with no way out. It makes his skin itch and he feels the urge to do whatever it takes to get trough the day without losing his damn mind in the process.

"Jude? What are you doing?"

"Cleaning out the closet." There's an unspoken "duh." gone unsaid in his voice.

"Haven't you, already, last week?"

"Today is a brand new day." Jude simply replies, an edge of frustration filling his voice. Connor gives a nod of his head, deciding to shut the fuck up in favor of not ruining the apparent gleeful mood of the past few days.

"Okay." Connor sighs, "I thought we could go out for dinner, tonight."

Jude sticks his head out the closet, allowing Connor to actually talk to his face, rather than his neck which is a lot more endearing sight, despite the sweaty brows and flushed cheeks.

"Sounds perfect."

They have sex that night and it's not a fresh news, not really. What surprises Connor is the way Jude begs him to fuck wild and senseless. His body writhing and thrusting up, chasing the waves of the tingling sensation flooding through his veins with every thrust of Connor's cock pushing in and out of him.

"Holy shit.. yeah... that's the spot, baby. Fuck me like a wild animal. Yes, Connor!"

Connor's eyes snap open, his body freezing on top of Jude's which it's the opposite of what Jude just pleaded him to do. Jude's so high on arousal that barely notices, then his eyes flutter open slowly, delicately like he's being awoken by the first ray of sunshine in the morning beaming through the window. Confusion flashes across his features, then the weight of those words hits him like a slap in the face, "W-was that too much?"

Connor looks at him with mouth agape, his eyes wide and hooded with lust, eliciting a soft noise of pleasure coming from Jude's mouth when his dick twitches in interest where it's still buried into Jude's. Connor thrusts in, slowly, once, then he does exactly what Jude's told him to do. He fucks him until there's no air left in his lungs until his vocal chords are so stretched that even breathing hurts and honestly, it's the only answer Jude needs right now.

 

There's no way in hell Connor will ever consider having sex as a bad thing but there's also need to be said that he's just a human.

He's just fucked Jude against the kitchen counter until Jude is a sated limb of flesh plastered against the cold marble surface.

"Where are you going?" Jude's voice sounds wrecked and raw to Connor's ears and sends waves of pride flooding through his chest because he did that. No one else.

Connor smiles as he bends down to gather his shirt and boxer from the floor and debriefs him about his plans for the night., “Gonna watch the Padres game with the guys from work at Troy's place.”

"Or--" Jude begins to say, making his way with predator's eyes towards Connor with a glimpse of mischief lighting up his features, "--I could ride you right here, on the kitchen floor."

Connor frowns because they've been having sex on every surface of the house, the past few days. They even Christened the new dishwasher. Yup. These past five days of _dicking_ have been the best day of his life and all but only now he's realized that maybe, the urge coming from Jude to fuck him senseless against every surface of the house doesn't have to do with a particular _kink_ of his.. well, okay that too, but what if there was a deeper meaning behind his overpowering desire for Connor to fuck his brains out?

"I could be the one turning you down, you know." Jude pouts, sounding almost sure of himself.

"I'll take that chance." Connor smirk, knowing that he will more than pleased to make Jude change his mind if the occasion occurs. Indeed, As soon as Connor comes home later that night, he finds Jude sprawled on their bed, biting his bottom lip as to fight back a smirk, his eyes wide and darkened and his legs spread open as the most tempting invitation.

* * * *

The fourth stage is probably the most challenging because many people reach the point of no return that ensues the confront with the harsh reality.

It happened. It has been processed. You let it go. 

It's actually not as easy as it sounds because the brain works on its own device and it's literally impossible to shut down those voices playing in his head like an endless loop, reminding Jude every single day that this is his life now and he has to accept that there are worse things in the world than losing a job. It sucks. It truly does and it's not about the job, per se, is the feeling of emptiness that leaves and the myriad of questions that follow: "Where do I go from here?" "What's my place, now?" It's about falling and getting back on his feet that scared the hell out of Jude, like he's been stuck in a dead-end alley for quite some time, struggling with his mix of emotions hitting him all at once but then he's finally seen the light, eventually, realizing that there are more important things, more important people he can focus on.

 

*****

As predicted Connor doesn't accept his apologies.

"I just want you to be okay." He tells him and Jude actually shed a tear, cursing under his breath before he swore not to cry, anymore for stuff like this. Connor laughs and holds him in his arms causing Jude to cry all over his cashmere sweater.

"God, I'm making a mess all over your new sweater."

Connor laughs, leaning down just slightly in order to press a gentle kiss on his lips, causing Jude to let out a sigh to fall from his lips.

"Are you seriously mine?" Jude asks him breathlessly, his eyes getting moist.

"Why shouldn't I be yours?"

Jude shrugs, a soft blush rising in his cheeks as he admits, "I'm not an easy one to put up with..." 

Connor rolls his eyes, shaking his head a bit as to say 'You're such an idiot."

"I chose to put up with you. I want to put up with you as long as you'd let me. I'm proud of you for getting back on track on your own and I know it's selfish of me to say this but, huh, I'd be glad if I was a small share of your healing process.."

"You are." Jude reassures him, a bright smile creeping over his cheeks. "I know I've been a pain in the ass from time to time but I'm sure I wouldn't have done it without you by my side. You never judged me, and even if you did and I know you secretly did.. you never shove it to my face and it means a lot to me, Connor."

"We're partners. I got your back.. not only in the most pleasurable way--"

Jude laughs, bright and happy, lacing his arms around Connor's neck. 

"--I want to be there for you whenever you need me, whether in good and bad times."

Jude's so in love that his heart might legit rising in his throat, choking him to death here and now. He cuts Connor's words by pressing their lips together, the emotion filling those words makes him think of a church and flowers and Connor in a tuxedo, his eyes bright and shiny as they exchange their vows. Words almost slip out of his lips, the "Will you marry me, Connor?" Question weighting over his chest as a burden but also knowing, deep down, that if he asks him now, it's going to be at the wrong time. 

It has to be perfect.

Connor deserves perfection and he deserves Jude at his best which is not now. He's good, He's in love and in his boyfriend's arms and there's honestly no place he'd rather be; Connor's love is the greatest paycheck he could ever ask for, but there's a right moment for everything and for now, this feels just right. 


End file.
